opportunitycosts | [ empatheias ] message box

[Baby steps.

But when he hears her answer, there's a breath of laughter as he grins.]

I had a feeling you'd say something like that. Fortunately I'm fairly certain we can make it, so you'll have another chance.

I believe I'll have a lot more free time here to be able to so I do look forward to it.

[ Not having to run around everywhere has it's pros. ]

I do expect it to taste just how I like them though.

If you're going to be that picky, you'll have to make it yourself.

Haha, I'll have to say no. I suppose I will just have to deal with it in that case.

[ She wouldn't dare try taking Milla's job from her. ]

Just make it at home, then. I could even recommend some grocers we work with if you want some deals.

Why not, it will save me from having to spend money and I get to stay home in doing so.

[See Presa, stick with him and you can get allll the good deals.

Because of the flow of conversation, he actually almost asks where she's living now. But he manages to stop himself.]

I'll give it to you afterward. And speaking of—I'm sure you had other questions.

[ He can always get her the best deals and Presa will happily accept them. ]

Perfect. Oh? [ She leans forward in her chair. ] And what do you think they might be?

Well considering you started off asking about the emotions, I figured you had more about this place.

Unless the questions about the restaurant are a not so subtle hint that you're also suddenly interested in my life as well.

[The words just flow smooth as butter and he doesn't bat an eye on the latter. Although he expected more of the former, he also prepared himself for any personal question she might dish out at him. He just also wasn't sure if she would actually be interested. So he took the leap and placed the bold question out there, seeing how she takes it.]

I wouldn't want to bore you with all my questions about here, but if you're willing to keep on answering them then there are a few.

[ A tiny smile slipped onto her lips. She would be a liar if she said she didn't interested in Alvin and his life. It is hard not to seeing how much has changed along with himself. ]

Who knows~.

[Playing the "coy" card, huh? He just gives a casual shrug.]

I'm used to it, and it's better if you have a good understanding on what's going on. So fire away.

[On the surface, it sounds like he means an understanding about this place. But it could also be directed about himself.

Plus, he really doesn't mind. It's true had been uncertain as to how they would be together like this, but... It's not bad. A little weird, still, sure, but it helps that he's more or less has his act together now and knows where he stands. So long as Presa seems to be okay with it, he can start easing up as well.]

[ Naturally.

Her face does fall a little and the room might become a little chilly. In all honesty, Presa feels conflicted when it comes to him and not in the sense of should she get along with him or not. It's actually a lot deeper than that.

Mentally shaking her head, the room returns to it's normal temperature and Presa sits back. ]

Good. At least this gives you an excuse to avoid work and saves me from trying to find other people to question.

[He notices the temperature change, and once again he's firing a somewhat questioning look. Again he wonders if he should ask, especially if her emotions are starting to become more obvious. And again, he holds it. But she's probably more aware that he's noticed now.]

I'm not avoiding it... Just putting my attention on something more important.

[—Now that's quite the statement. Or maybe he's just being his smooth operating self.]

[ Tip toeing around the personal questions. It's hard when neither of them know if they should ask or not. Just a little frustrating on her end because she knows that there is nothing wrong with questions, but she's being stubborn.

Alvin's response caught her off guard and her cheeks might be turning a little pink. She'll just avoid eye contact and look away now. ]

You better make sure nobody hears you say that. You could get into trouble.

I think the only one I'd get in trouble with would be you.

[There's a light smirk, a sign that he's teasing her. But here's the real question: is he actually trying to flirt here or is he just being his usual self? Is it just harmless banter or is there something deeper going on here?

And to be honest? No one knows, not even himself. At the very least he's not trying to insinuate anything. If anything, thoughts of any chance of them getting back together are so down the rabbit hole, the entrance is currently sealed. Maybe further along he might try and take a peek, but maybe it's too soon. At least...in his view (if he thought about it) it would be.

But there is one thing he does know. He's glad that they can talk like this. There's still a lot of things he regrets when it comes to her, a lot that he hasn't quite made clear yet. The approaching Night of Selenium might change that. But for now, he just...wants to try and amend things, even a little. While he has this chance.

Because who knows how long this will last and it's a pretty fair certainty he won't have another.]

[ Charming. Either way, it's giving her a push to ask what has been bugging her. A question that is important for not just herself, but it would be one for him. They could easily go on like this and it would be fine. In fact, it would be better this way.

A shame that this is eating away at her. ]

There is something I need to know, Al.

[ Sorry for putting a damper on the mood and making it turn serious, but there's a valid reason. She's going to be ripping this band-aid off finally. ]

Are you okay? With this and... with me. I died after all and you've been allowed time to accept that fact and be able to move on with your life which you have been able to do. I need to know if you're okay with having me around again because I'm sure it is no easy task. [ She takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. ] I also need to know if you're doing this because you feel like you need to seeing as I am alone here.

[...Ah. So that's what's been bugging her. Although he's also not too surprised by it—this was going to come up eventually. And it's a question he himself has thought about before.

Even so, there's quite a stretch of silence before Alvin finally releases a breath and answers.]

I'll be honest. [Three words she probably never expected to leave his mouth and actually be true. But as she'll be able to tell by the sudden stillness in the air, his own serious tone, and the way he's looking directly at her instead of away—he's going to mean everything he's about to say.] When I first saw you, I thought I was either dreaming or it was another twisted prank from this world. And you're right—naturally, it was initially pretty shocking and a little unnerving to see you around. I mean, not exactly what a normal person expects, right? [A small laugh, but it's a bit hollow.]

For me, it's been a little over two years since... [She died. To anyone else, he'd be able to easily say it, but saying it in front of the person herself is kinda. Not something he'd be able to do in front of anyone, at least not easily.] I've had a lot of time to think, to reflect, and realize a lot of things. [His shoulders relax slightly, two fingers lightly grazing against the arm of his chair as he glances down there as if in thought.]

But this...isn't actually the first time since your death that I've met with you. [Okay, now this is going to get a little weird, but he's looking up at her with a bit of a pained and rueful grin.]

[ It was just a matter of time until she asked it. A question like this isn't an easy one to ask, but at least she had the courage to do so now.

Presa quietly listens, accepting what he is saying. He is right about it all and she couldn't blame him for his ways of thinking. Nobody could ever expect to see the dead again because it's impossible or at least it used to be. Strange how this world works. ]

That's a long time. [ She knew it had been a while but it does come to a surprise at just how long. Unfortunately, he makes her feel that little bit more guilty about this, even if she had no control over what happened.

Pushing her brows together, a puzzled expression appears. ]

What do you mean?

You remember the fractured dimensions, right? And how they're like an alternate reality of our prime dimension.

[Here comes the "fun" part. He takes another breath before he continues.]

There was one where I met a fractured version of yourself.

[That in itself is pretty big. But it's clear that there's something else he isn't saying, as if uncertain (or perhaps currently uncomfortable) at bringing it up. And he's thinking that maybe he should leave that one particular detail aside it's not like it really happened, right? It's all fractured stuff. Yeah. ........]

And what happened?

[ She's going to poke him to answer because you can't tell her that and not let her know what happened. Something clearly happened there and while it might be best to ignore it, seeing it was 'her', she did wish to know. ]

[How he wishes he could still lie like he used to. Well he's still good at saying most of the truth, so he'll just cut to the important part.]

It was set during the time we were heading through Nia Khera to stall Jude and the others at the Hallowmount. A few things happened, but—

[How. Does he explain this. Or rather, can he really keep a straight face? Any other day he'd be fine, but with the woman right in front of him, it's harder.]

Even though I knew it was a fractured dimension, I could see my old self and all the mistakes I made. Made me realize that I was a the biggest idiot in the world. And even your fractured self was able to see through my facade and see the truth.

[Just like she always did.]

So after everything you did for me, both before and even after your death, to say that you bother me now or that I don't want you around would be the biggest lie I've ever told. If anything, I want to take this chance to try and amend the damage I've done to you. I know I'm acting selfish here, and that you might not ever completely forgive me. Honestly I'm not even going to ask for it. I don't want you to. [Because what he did? The shit he pulled is something that no one should ever forgive him for. No one. And he honestly still doesn't even understand why she voluntarily meets with him even now.]

But that's why I want to at least try and do something right by you. Even if it's just to help you get used to this place, I'll take it.

[Besides, she's not the first "dead" person from their world. Fractured Milla was the first, and it had been awkward then. But maybe it's thanks to having to deal with that, along with Ludger's later appearance and reveal of his own death, that he's able to just accept Presa's appearance as well. At least in that regard. All the emotional turmoil is different and has to be handled differently, but. At least he feels more grounded and feel like he can. At least for this much.]

[ On the plus side of Alvin being honest, she won't have any reason to get mad about him for lying. Leaving out details she can forgive but flat out lying is harder to do and he would be an expert at that. She wants to press on what exactly happened, but refrained because forcing him would do no good. ]

In a sense we are cut from the same cloth. It isn't too hard to see through it once you know what it or be aware of what they have before they know themselves.

[ She's hinting at the fact he had found his place before he even realised it.

It feels heart warming to hear him say those words, to be aware that he did want him around. Presa had been worried it could have only been because he felt guilty about what happened but it is a relief for her to know that isn't the case. ]

I don't think I could ever completely forgive you, even if I wanted to because that wouldn't be fair to those who lost their lives and the people affected by it. Just as I can never forgive myself. [ Because he wasn't the only one at fault. She played a part in it because she allowed herself to give away a part of her that she was never allowed to give; her heart. ]

... I think it would be a waste if I were to refuse all help from you. The last might not be forgiven or forgotten but I do think we can build a new future, don't you? Perhaps that is the reason I have been given a second chance at life.

[There is no way he can ever mention what the catalyst was for that dimension. Not right now at least. It's uh. Well he doesn't want to give her wrong ideas or impressions...again.

But...hah, a new future. There's a small, fleeting smile before it's replaced by a small cringe. Not at the notion of them having one because it's strangely a nice thought, but—]

Out of the two of us, I think you deserved the second chance the most.

[Not him. Not a guy who didn't and still believes doesn't deserve any of this. He's not stupid enough to refuse or waste it, but it doesn't mean he can so freely happily take it. Not one hundred percent. That'll be his own personal curse until the day he dies (or until he learns that it's actually okay but that'll be a while).]

What kind of future would you want?

[He's actually asking about it generally here, not necessarily between them specifically. If anything, he might be somewhat sidestepping because hell if he knows how he would answer if asked. He's only been focusing on just the first step of apologizing.]

Edited 2016-01-11 07:10 (UTC)

[ How romantic of him to say that. A shame that she doesn't really believe that because from her view, they both need it. Neither had an easy life and at one point, only had to go upwards. Presa sighs and leans back in her chair. ]

I suppose. [ She won't fight against him at that, it would most likely be useless.

A question that she isn't sure on how to answer. Presa never really had a chance to think of what future she wanted. It used to be just to live by any means possible; lying, sex, killing. Now she had the chance to live life just how she wanted to be able to do so. But how? ]

I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm unsure of how I am supposed to move through life because most of my skills won't be useless or needed here.

[The atmosphere is really heavy in here, isn't it? Metaphorically, emotionally, and probably even physically with how emotions work. But he just listens to her and honestly he can relate.]

Everyone had to pretty much start over once they got here. Some breeze through, others have formed businesses or gotten employment. A few more actually focus on researching this place out since it's one giant mystery even to its own people and they want to find a reliable way home. Although I guess... [Small hesitation here as he glances at here.] Well, you could probably use your investigative and research skills on that if you wanted to help with that.

[The reason why he hesitated is because most folks are trying to find a way home. But for Presa? That's...not exactly an option. But would she want to even stay here for the rest of her newfound life?]

As for the every day life, sky's the limit. You have a second chance, so you should take advantage and do the things you couldn't before. Live the life you've always wanted.

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