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Alvin will have acquired his own little carrier pigeon to send messages, so he'll have one stationed at the main carrier pigeon place that will come and find him.

In the meanwhile, this is the entry for any private messages that are delivered via the carrier pigeon system.

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[He struggles. How he struggles to force the words out, and it's not because he doesn't trust Alvin. He just has difficulty sharing his emotions with people. The last few times he's spoken candidly to Alvin about his feelings, they've always left a bad taste in both their mouths and Lu Meng doesn't want that to happen again.

But still, hasn't he learned that keeping these thoughts and pains and ugliness inside him isn't always a measure of strength? Wouldn't it be actual strength to admit that he is weak in this, and that he needs help?

Just like what he told her shadow.

So he takes a deep breath, calming himself, calming the glass and mug that's shaking on the table, just waiting for him to explode so that they can throw their contents out. It still takes another pregnant pause, but if Alvin is patient, he will be rewarded.

Forcing himself to look at Alvin with a sombre gaze, he replies softly, hesitantly, but he replies nevertheless.]

...how you would feel, if Presa left.

[Alvin is more than patient. He's letting Lu Meng take most of the control here in how the conversation goes. He'll just lightly sip his drink, and when Lu Meng says that, he wonders if he should order another one.

There's a long pause of his own before he finishes it one go, already motioning for another one.]

Sanae meant that much to you?

Edited 2016-04-01 19:29 (UTC)

She meant more to me than I should have allowed.

[He admits softly, and now his gaze trails back to the glass in front of him. He's not looking at Alvin right now, because the words on his tongue are heavy and he's never, ever been so open about his emotions to anyone that's not her.]

I know, she might come back. And that's a selfish thought, so I don't want her to return if it can be helped.

I just...wish I could have convinced her that I was strong enough to take her friendship. That I wasn't going to fall to pieces if she said something that would upset me. Maybe, maybe that was me all those months ago, but I've improved, and I've recovered and I can even touch wrists' now--

[The words spill out like sand, falling out quietly, quickly, as if he's afraid that he'll stop talking if he hesitates.

And then a pause, and he looks at his hands on the table.]

...we never got to carry out our friendship handshake. [And maybe that hurts more, than never telling her about how he felt.]

[Alvin listens quietly, barely noticing when his glass appears by his hand.]

What was it like? The handshake. [He thinks of the silly thing he and Leia does and how he actually kind of misses it. But for Lu Meng...he has a feeling this handshake might have meant something more. Could have meant something more.]

...never mind. It was just a friendship handshake. [Lu Meng says, almost dismissively. For a moment he was about to spill, but something else holds him back, and he retreats back into the emotional tent he'd constructed, turning the counter splotchy grey.

A second passes. Another. The barkeeper hands over another glass of milk exchanging a puzzled look at Alvin. Another second.]

...It isn't how it felt like, but what it meant to us. [He admits.]

[Looks like he was right on he money. Alvin only glances at the barkeep before giving Lu Meng another moment.]

So what did it mean?

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[ empatheias ] message box

everyone's a sloth

IT'S NIGHT!? and i am on FIRE.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A THREE HUMPED CAMEL?

PREGGERS!!!

And now its the end of April! /ultimate sloth

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