opportunitycosts | [ empatheias ] message box

It's nothing significant.

[ And yet he ends on an uncertain note. For a moment there he's quiet, and it's one of his more brooding, gloomy silence, a heavy weight pressing down on both their minds. But Alvin would be able to tell that Lu Meng is bothered enough by what happened, that all Alvin will need todo is keep the link open and wait for Luey to bring it up himself.

And sure enough, after a lengthy pause, he finally, reluctantly relents. ]

They were arguing about me.

[Alvin would definitely wait. If there's one thing he's learned to do when trying to field out answers from stubborn targets, is that patience is key.

The answer, however, surprises him a bit.]

About you? Do you know what about or why?

Red figured out that Emizel has some...troubles with me. Fearing that should Emizel accidentally cross paths with me and have a negative emotional reaction, he advised Emizel to leave the festival. I think Red pushed the issue too much, and Emizel snapped back at him.

[ Satisfied? Lu Meng falls back into a stony silence, his emotions sticking and dripping like tar with every passing second. ]

[In a way, yes. But man does it feel gooey here, and definitely not the right kind.]

I see... It's weird that Red would have pushed him to leave though, especially if Emizel was fine with it.

[Siiiigh booooys.]

In any case, don't feel so bent up about it, Lu Meng. It sounds like both of them are the real problem, not you.

But I contributed to it.

[ And here comes the guilt train choo choo. ]

Sometimes I think, that I can put the past behind me and move on. Yet time and again, my mistakes have returned to give grief to those I care about.

I know I did not start this argument, but I still caused it.

[A light sigh.]

As someone who knows exactly how you feel, I can tell you it's not easy sometimes and it'll come up again. But that's just how it works. The only good news is that it does get better. Just takes a hell a lot longer than you'd like.

I'm not too sure about that. [He says, quietly.] If it does come up again, I'm not going to be able to stop these emotions.

You're not supposed to.

[Probably odd thing to hear, and of course this is coming from Alvin's experience.]

Guilt's a nasty bitch that will remain with you for the rest of your life. I should know. [He even has a problem with it now, so Lu Meng may feel some sympathetic feelings from his end.] And honestly, it's actually probably not a bad thing overall. It's a reminder not that you did something bad, but that you actually feel something about it. Keeps you human.

[Well doesn't that sound profound.]

The real challenge is what you end up doing with that feeling.

Edited (basically just cutting this thing in half because eeeeeh last portion wasn't really necessary and it was bugging me.) 2016-02-28 03:09 (UTC)

...I know you're just trying to help, and I appreciate that. I really do. But I didn't want to talk about it because I knew you were going to try and give me advice, when really at this point I just want someone who will lend me an ear. Everyone tells me that it's alright to share your problems so that you feel less of a weight on your shoulders, and yet when you do people assume that you're immediately unable to handle them. I'm trying not to feel weak or talked down on, but you reflecting my own advice back to me as if I'm some greenhorn doesn't help.

[And after that calm vent is over, there's a sigh. It's been a long, long night.]

Look. I'm sorry. And this really isn't about me, it's about the boys. Whatever problems I have I'll deal with them on my own, but both Emizel and Red need help right now. I'll see about getting Red to an emotional counsellor; his emotional wounds have yet to heal, and the longer he goes without proper treatment the worst he'll get. He's taking this whole incident very hard, and he considers himself to be the only one at fault for what happened. I'm worried that if let to his own, he might develop unhealthy thinking patterns that will only feed his fears even further. But I believe he's afraid to seek help because it would mean facing the fact that he can't fully control his emotions and actions any longer. He was very frightened when he told me he couldn't remember anything.

[Gee, does this all sound uncomfortably familiar to Lu Meng.]

[—Ah. The answer is a bit of a surprise. He honestly thought Lu Meng still needed advice, but after hearing his response...a few things click.]

Sorry, I didn't realize. For the record though, I never once thought you wouldn't be able to handle them. Just trying to give you a sympathetic shoulder. [But it's clear what he thought was the right way was actually not as helpful as he thought. Still, it's good to know.]

But you're right. Gotta focus on those kids right now. [A heavy sigh.] I'll still talk to Red just for my own peace of mind, but if you're taking care of him, then I'll focus on Emizel. He can be pretty sensitive, too, and is probably thinking the same thing. [Kids.] Though now I wonder if I should take him to see someone, too...

[Previous experience when Emizel was last in a fit of depression surfacing his mind.]

Honestly, if what you say is true, then they both might have this kind of issue about facing their weaknesses.

The last time I saw Emizel, he didn't seem well.

[The boy had been losing colours and growing paler and paler during their last accidental meeting.]

What happened to him?

A lot of self-esteem issues, apparently. [Another sigh, but this time it's less heavy and more... Kids.] It mostly related to how he was handling his own emotions and how they affected Peromei.

So he's melancholy because he's...feeling melancholy, and is worried about the effect that will have on Peromei?

[Alvin can't see it, but Lu Meng's shaking his head. Kids.]

What brought this on in the first place? We parted on awful terms, but before our relationship soured he didn't seem to be in such poor spirits.

[Alvin completely agrees.]

I'm honestly not sure. It might be because of what happened with Junko. He was afraid he'd have to get the same treatment as her, and I think he wants to actually help with what's going with the Arehtei. So he might be feeling useless right now, too.

Miss Enoshima's despair is completely different from his; she deliberately wants to feel nothing else but despair to destroy the island. And eitherway no one is going to be subject to that drug if they don't want to, and especially not for just having negative emotions. I thought this was cleared up at the townhall meeting.

[This is ridiculous. Lu Meng rubs his face on his side, Chinese curses floating in from his end of the line.]

...if he wants to help with the Arehtei, I'm sure he can contribute in some manner. Perhaps...you could suggest to him to collect well-wishes and cards for Peromei's health?

It didn't sink into his head, but I already told him all of that. But kids can be troublesome like that. Once they get an idea into their head, it sometimes takes a lot of convincing and proof otherwise. [Siiiiighhh.

But whoa, watch that language, Lu Meng.]

He actually turned in his crystal to Peromei earlier. Had me go along with him to make sure he didn't run away and things didn't get too hairy.

Then perhaps he should speak with a counselor as well. I've already advised Red to see one, but...well. I'm starting to understand how frustrating it was for you and Sanae to handle me back then.

I'll do what I can with Red. I believe he'll want to apologize with Emizel. Could you perhaps speak with him? At least to hear Red's side of the story.

Yeah, I think I might talk to him about going to see someone. Though his pride might not take to it well, so I'll have to be careful about it.

But don't worry. I already plan on talking with him. Helps that we're in the same house. Just sorry that you had to deal with his on your own.

There's nothing to apologize for. No one is to blame, it was just...bad luck.

[What a lame way to end. But it is true.]

I'll keep you informed on how Red is doing. Please let me know about Emizel as well.

Yeah, I'll let you know. Thanks for telling me, Lu Meng.

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